There is nothing quite like event planning to make you become organized. In the beginning months of my wedding planning experience, I was of a “let’s worry about it when the time comes” mentality. After the invitations had been sent out, I became a “daily to-do list” kind of girl. When I started receiving my respond cards back, some of the responses left something to be desired. I will admit it, I vented to my fellow Invitation Consultants. Low and behold, when it came time for each of my co-workers to plan events (one is planning a wedding and one a birthday party) they experienced some of the same issues that I did. But when you think about it, sending your respond card back to the host is simple, isn’t it? Not really. It seems that questions about how to answer a respond card many times go unasked and unanswered. For this reason, I decided to combine our experiences and I came up with the Seven Deadly Sins of RSVPing.
• Sin 1- Adding those who were not specifically invited. You would think that this is common sense. However, John and Jane Smith have two children and they receive and invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, they may wonder if their children are invited. Simply put, the answer is no. You should only RSVP for the person who the invitation is addressed to. If the invitation is addressed to The Smith Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family, then your children are invited.
• Sin 2- RSVPing after the RSVP by date. When you are planning an event, you need answers by a certain date to pass along to the caterer, event planner, etc. That is why on the respond card, it is politely asked that you respond by a certain date. As a guest, try your best to stick to that date and send the card back.
• Sin 3- Asking the event coordinator or bride if someone that you know can be invited. I know what you are thinking… “Does this really happen?” The answer is yes, it really does. Not only have I personally experienced this, but I have heard of similar situations with others. Every event coordinator/bride has limitations, whether it be budget, space, or desired size of the event. So the decisions must be made about a guest list and sometimes, the guest list is not ideal. So don’t put the coordinator/bride that you are invited to in an awkward position by asking if a friend or family member can be invited.
• Sin 4- Not RSVPing at all. See Deadly Sin 2. It can be very frustrating when you are waiting to give your venue a final number and some guests choose to not send back their respond card. It poses the question why? The stamp is on there and everything. Unless your respond card is lost in the mail, the host of the event should receive your respond card back, no exceptions.
• Sin 5- RSVPing and not showing up for the event. When I was planning my wedding, my venue coordinator warned me that this happens at almost every wedding. I believe my exact words to her were, “Well, it won’t happen at mine.” I thought because we were pretty much only inviting close friends and family, that no one would do that. I was wrong. I understand, illnesses happen. But illness is not the only reason that guests who RSVPed did not show up at the actual event. So, besides unexpected illness, if you RSVP yes, make sure that you are there.
• Sin 6- Not being clear with your meal choices. I learned this one the hard way. On my respond card, I listed ____Chicken ____Fish for guests to indicate what meal they wanted. When you see something like this on a respond card, if your significant other wants something different than you do, initial each of the choices instead of just checking off one of each.
For example, do not do this: X Chicken X Fish
Do this instead: JS Chicken TS Fish
The reason is that the planner of the event/bride may need to not only indicate the number of each choice, but may have to indicate who wants what if the meal is a served dinner.
• Sin 7- Not filling out the respond card completely. Would you believe me if I told you that I received a respond card that was blank on the front and on the back, the guest had written “Sorry we can’t make it” ? It happened. It was one of the first respond cards that I received. The only way that I figured out who the respond card was from was to look at where the envelope was postmarked from. Thankfully, it was a city where I only had one invited guest. Don’t make the person organizing the event do detective work. They have enough on their plate.
Now that I have gotten all of the sins out there, it must be said that many of these are common mistakes. It’s understandable that what goes into planning an event is a big question mark until you do it for yourself. But the fact remains that these are all common gripes from brides and event planners alike, which makes me think that RSVP etiquette is not a subject that is talked about often. Once you plan an event and experience any of these sins firsthand, you will see why they are so important. By understanding what event planners and brides expect in the RSVP that you send will help save frustration, both theirs and yours.
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